How Light Shines In the Black Hole (Part 2)

So hopefully you've read The Black Hole of Motherhood (Part 1) which gives a glimpse of what life is like in the early years of parenting.  The following is now just a couple things of which God has been teaching me in said Black Hole. I hope you might find it helpful, challenging or encouraging.  

One of the best things I have recently learned: 

How to Get Rid of Stuff:

 Too much stuff swirling around in the Black Hole adds extra unnecessary gravitational weight. Shout out to Allie Casazza at the Purposeful Housewife as I have found her teachings to be very inspirational and I have been growing in simplicity and minimalism.

I know this is exactly what I look like when I clean. I bet you wear the same.

Example: I had THREE pizza cutters in my kitchen junk drawer. One for small pizzas, one for big pizzas, and one for when we have homemade pizza parties with lots of people which has happened once in my lifetime.  (Seriously, do you sense a small dose of craziness in that logic? I do now.) Now I have one pizza cutter.  The best one. The favorite one I always wanted to use anyway.  It makes me really happy every time I open that drawer and it isn't so crowded and every time I actually use the awesome pizza cutter.  I have been doing this in every drawer, closet, room in our house.  Approximately 40 car loads to Good Will. Not exaggerating.  It's been amazing for the whole family.  

Just Kidding.  De-cluttering is more like this girl. Isn't she great?  

I've also been getting rid of stuff like perfectionism.  The idea of being a perfectionist actually makes me laugh now.  I am not perfect and I never will be and I have NO desire to try.  I will give you *excellence* and I will give you my best.  I have been so inspired "there is no way to be a perfect mother but a million ways to be a good one." Amen, Jill Churchill. Amen. This applies to every aspect of life.  Why strive for perfection just to fail and compare myself and obsess over it?  I'm a follower of Christ. That means whether I eat or drink or whatever I do, I do it to the glory of God and Jesus is my Perfect.  

During my time in the Black Hole I've also been learning 

How to NOT Get Rid of Stuff: 

There are lots of motherhood moments where you are in the Black Hole and you're not getting out that day.  The children are hungry, the cupboard is bare. It's Monday/Friday/Middle of the Day/Night and you're 6 million hours sleep deprived and you've got one cup of yogurt for two kids, a half used bottle of Coconut Water they don't like/ won't drink, some random veggies in the freezer and a brown banana.  Guess what's for lunch people? Smoothies! And that expired flour is a "sensory bin". Those old shoes are your "dress up activity for three hours". Moms in the Black Hole are resourceful.  

Seriously Pinterest, No mom has time or sanity for  a smoothie like this.  Smoothies are one color, generally a shade of greenish reddish brown depending upon how old your bananas are and how much spinach you snuck in while the kids weren't looking. Let's all just be honest about this.  It is however fabulously beautiful, I'll give you that. 

So I'm going to stretch my metaphor here if you'll just go with me.  I've had to decide what NOT to get rid of when it comes to the essence of who God created me to be.  I've had to fiercely sort out "Who am I, at my core, when I am in the Black Hole today?" When I may not see another adult besides Husband for days.  When there is no written evaluation or even physical observation because Moms spend a majority of their time with kids by themselves.  When my career is on hold, I'm beyond exhausted, and my To-Do list is a never ending cycle of: Make Food, Do Laundry, Clean House. On Repeat, Ad Infinitum. 

Will I get dressed? Will I read my Bible? Will I play with my kids? Will I be kind? What kind of wife will I be? How will I evaluate my day and my life? This is a huge topic which I'm sure I will write more about another time. For now, there is a lot of wrestling with these questions (and others) in the Black Hole.  

My current conclusions: These are the things I choose to preserve as precious, I choose to prioritize, I choose NOT to get rid of:

My faith, my joy, my femininity (as in getting dressed, wearing make up etc.), my covenant of marriage, my pursuit of personal and spiritual growth, my delight in my children, my scrapbooking. 

I don't achieve all of these every day, but these are what I have found to be at my core, when all is stripped away, when no one is watching, and even if no one else cares, this is still me.  It's really good to know this.  I think a lot of moms feel they lose themselves in the Black Hole.  I encourage you to not let it be a losing of yourself but rather a defining of yourself of the short list of who you really are and what really matters to you.  And if what you find is sad, or scary, or empty, know that God would love to meet you there.  He is close to the brokenhearted. 

So this is where I have been and why I haven’t blogged for a while and which means this post is so long!  My plan is to post every now and then in those beautiful windows of time when the children are sleeping, my caffeine is still kickin’, the laundry is done and Husband is watching sports. 

Blessings to you! 

The Black Hole of Motherhood (Part 1)

Hey friends, I’m back!
“Where have you been?”
Well, I affectionately refer to it as “The Black Hole of Motherhood” or Black Hole for short. 

https://www.nasa.gov/image-feature/computer-simulated-image-of-a-supermassive-black-hole

I say “affectionately” because to be in this place is evidence of God’s grace in my life and a true miracle.To have the privilege to raise children and be a mother and wife is an out of this world God-given gift. 

And in the midst of this blissful season, I have often felt like God has sequestered me in the Black Hole akin to Moses shepherding in the desert for 40 years before God called him to lead Israel.  It’s a good place, a learning place, and a challenging place. So if you're interested, this is what the Black Hole of Motherhood is like.

In the Black Hole there is no “day” or “night” because you are attempting to be asleep and then must awake again every few hours regardless if the sun is up or not.  The terms “day” and “night” become rather meaningless when you're exhausted. It’s all the same to you.

In the Black Hole, “Every day is Monday and every day is Friday”. It sounds impossible, but it is true. You live in this impossible reality.  Every day is awesome, and every day is hard.   

Living at the intersection of these opposites twists your mental and emotional state like an old phone cord metaphor no one understands anymore.  It’s complicated. You feel like this guy all the time: 

All the jokes about “baby brain” or “pregnant brain” because you forget stuff or feel like a ditz, are no longer jokes. The reality settles in you are no longer pregnant, you no longer have a baby but rather a toddler and there is no such thing as “toddler brain”.  The truth is you’ve gotten dumber. Your brain cells have melted to be more unusable than the plastic kiddie plate you microwaved.  Your synapses are no longer working like all the toys that need new batteries but there are no batteries to be had for synapses.  They’re just gone.  The brain that is left is in a constant state of making sure husbands and children are  healthy, safe, fed, groomed, dressed, happy and educated and meanwhile you have lost the ability to properly conjugate verbs.  You forget to schedule appointments and the appointments you do schedule you forget you actually scheduled.  You can’t remember anything or anyone important unless they are standing in front of you covered in milk dancing in a diaper to a Disney song.  In fact you can’t even remember how old you are exactly. An approximate age becomes totally acceptable because really, does it even matter?

One of the LEAST noticeable effects to inhabitants of the Black Hole is the slow atrophy of one's "coolness".   Example: These are the top 10 songs for last month. 

(from top10songs.com) 

Of the 18 artists mentioned, I know three of them and have “heard of” two others.  This is a giant red flag I might not know what is cool anymore and therefore might be entering into the world of “Not Cool”.  Now let’s be honest, I was never living on top of Cool Mountain in the first place but I would like to think I at least had a little cozy spot somewhere in the vicinity of the village.  

Not anymore. I don’t know who “celebrities” are, I’ve never snapchatted or tindered or who knows what else.  I recently realized everyone around me everywhere was actually wearing neon running shoes and lo and behold, I was wearing “mom shoes”. I might also be wearing mom jeans and mom shirts.  I’m not sure. I’m still a bit in the Black Hole though I get to come out for air every now and then.  

SNL

 Most importantly, Time is warped in the Black Hole because time passes much slower. Example: If you live in the normal world you go to bed for 8 hours and wake up in the morning refreshed and off to wherever you go. A mom in the Black Hole, “goes to bed for 8 hours” but every 45 minutes just as her body begins to enter REM sleep she is abruptly awoken by a crying baby, a potty training toddler, a hungry cat, a toddler’s nightmare, a crying baby, a thirsty toddler, and then a happy baby wide awake.  Not all at once of course.  Remember each of these things happens approximately 45 minutes apart.  To interrupt someone’s sleep cycle as such is surely used as a form of underground torture in dark foreign countries but in the Black Hole of Motherhood, it is just a normal night.  The effects of the time warp thus make these “8 hours” feel like 100 hours.  Time passes similarly between nap time and the time in which Husband comes home.  The seemingly “two” hours between 3pm and 5pm, are equal to 100 hours in the Black Hole.  It is *forever* until Daddy gets home. 

So here's where we do some Mommy Math. Every night is like 100 hours and every day after nap is also like 100 hours. Furthermore, days that are too cold to play outside get multiplied by three, days when you are sick get multiplied by five, days when your child is sick get multiplied by ten, and so you see the math is very complicated.  Not to mention when you have multiple children you do not “add” the extra hours but rather multiply “to the power of” using exponents. What I’m saying is…if you are speaking to a mom with a three year old and a one year old who by the very nature of this statement is living in the Black Hole and you, normal person think, “So these three years have been a little crazy and she’s tired sometimes” the answer is:  Well, in the normal world I've been tired for about 26,000 hours. According to the time warp of the Black Hole I have been tired for almost six and a half million hours. Approximately. 

But being tired doesn't mean being unhappy.  Being this tired just means I am humanly frail and weak and this gives God the glory because He is Strong, and Capable and His grace is Sufficient. When my energy and ability to function like a humans person seems non-existent, I come to the end of myself and find God there.  

So what have I learned in the Black Hole these last couple years? A lot! So much that I'm going to stop here and I will make that the Black Hole Part Two.  

If you made it to the end of this, Bravo. Thanks for reading! 

Thoughts From a Working Mom Turned Stay At Home Mom For the Last Eight Months

I was so excited to be a SAHM because I thought that not only would I have precious time with my son and the ability to cook and clean really well but that I could also scrapbook and blog and exercise and read books to my heart's content. I also thought it was great timing to pursue a Master's degree.

I have not exercised or scrapbooked or read a book. Not at all. Except textbooks. About biology. And math. Gross.

This is my first blog since. I don't have time to write anymore.  This is all you get.

<<Insert awesome inspiring blog here about being a busy mom and focusing on what's important and being thankful for the little things >>

:)

My Big Promotion

Hi friends,

I am writing to let you know that I have officially accepted a position at Mathews Family Inc.   My husband offered me a position to be a full-time mom to this adorable little boy and I just couldn’t refuse.  The job has no vacation days, no paid benefits, (in fact no paid days at all) and I am on call all days, nights and weekends.  Hopefully, we will double my work load next year if God allows us to add another little one to the brood.  This way I could have even more responsibilities but no raise or bonus since I’m not getting paid anyway. (Although the laughs and the hugs are pretty awesome.)

I know you are jealous as this totally sounds amazing and I have to say, I am pretty excited.  This baby just gets cuter and cuter and I’m going to get to teach him to talk and walk and take him to the zoo and the park and all in all just spend my days living the dream.  I am sad to leave the professional world but we are just considering this a temporary early retirement for a small chapter of life. Me and Michael Phelps…you know kind of the same thing ;-) Who knows what God has in store for the future but we feel this is the best decision for our family at this time and figure no matter what, investing in our kids will never be something we’ll regret.

This was the letter I sent to my co-workers and am now sharing with all of you! One week down of two weeks notice so just one final week to go! We are excited for this new chapter of life and so very grateful for the opportunity God has given us. We'll keep you posted!

To Dads, With Love

(my husband and son left, my husband as a baby top right, me as a baby bottom right)

  No dad is perfect but these days it is getting harder and harder to find a *good* dad. A staggering number of children are growing up with dads that are uninvolved, uninterested, abusive or simply not there at all.  My heart truly goes out to these families, these kids, these moms. To these, and to those that have lost their fathers, I know Father's day can be hard and I pray that God meets you in the hard places where He promises to be a "Father to the fatherless". (Ps. 68:5)  Not in a cheesy platitude way, but in a real, tangible way that God will provide for you, and love you, and watch over you in a way better than any earthly father ever could.

By the grace of God our family has been blessed with some amazing fathers and I am so grateful they continue to be a part of our lives.  My dad, my father in law, and my husband are all really strong men but they all have really tender hearts too.  They have worked hard to love their families well and I have reaped these tangible and intangible benefits in countless ways and I truly thank God for the family name and legacy they are building.  These men show me God, which is why God created the role of "dad" in the first place.  They love, protect, provide, discipline, comfort, and lead by example.  To think our Heavenly Father feels this way about me multiplied times a thousand is just overwhelming.  

Dads kind of get the shaft because as you get older you don't have much to buy them anymore when they have every tie, grill set, coffee mug and golf knick knack they could ever want and then some.  And really I find dads (men) to be simple in their desires to just be at home and be with their family and eat and watch TV (or insert hobby of choice hahaha). So to these three amazing dads and to any others reading this, I hope this is a small way to let you know how much you are appreciated. And if you currently don't feel appreciated, hang in there! The value of a good father truly lasts a lifetime and will continue to increase every year that goes by.  Thank you for changing diapers that we don't remember, making us eat peas that really aren't that bad, thank you for lectures that we hated but appreciated and thank you for phone calls when there just isn't anyone else to call but Dad. 

Proverbs 20:7 "A righteous man who walks in his integrity, how blessed are his sons after him".

Happy Father's Day 2013. xoxo

My 30th Birthday!

Throughout the course of my 30th birthday Easter weekend....

I got a massage

I got my "hair-did"

Went downtown to the Macy's Flower Show

Had Easter dinner (that I didn't have to cook!) and Egg Hunt with great friends

Had Ben and Jerry's Half-Baked ice cream (my favorite!)

Got to go for a jog for the first time in approximately a year

 (so good...so out of shape but so good...)

Was "vandalized" in the middle of the night by sweet friends with a birthday banner 

in our front yard

Took a 10 minute shower (quite the new mom luxury for those of you that don't know)

Enjoyed Birthday/Easter brunch with chocolate chip pancakes and strawberries (my favorite!!)

Scrapbooked!

Was privileged to be at John Piper's last ever sermon as pastor of Bethlehem Baptist

Celebrated the amazing sovereignty of our amazing God and risen Savior for Easter

Had a super fun birthday party with my super awesome awesome friends playing Taboo and eating delicious homemade birthday cookie cake

Watched hysterical YouTube videos with said friends and laughed like crazy

Kid President Pep Talk (click here for a great laugh!)

Received birthday wishes/texts/voicemails from so many great friends and family

Played with a super cute baby who happened to be especially snuggly on my birthday

Came home and am getting ready to snuggle into bed with my amazing husband

God is good

30 years old...bring it

Where Do Families Come From?

For those of you that don't know, we moved to Minnesota almost two years ago exactly, not knowing a single soul here.  That is a whole other story but what I want to share today is how AMAZINGLY God has blessed us with not just friends but what we would consider truly an extended family.  

At first we thought it was just Minnesota Nice, but what we are talking about is almost miraculous in nature.  

One of the draws here was Bethlehem Baptist which is John Piper's church, and so that was where we started.  We decided to join a small group Bible study and so we visited a few over the course of a month.  From one group (which we ended up not joining) there was a couple that reached out to us simply because we were new in town. They had us over to dinner and we just loved them and had so much in common and next thing you know, we had our first friends! 

Then we found a small group that we DID join, where God gave us *four* other couples, all around our age that we just felt so connected with.  And would you believe that in this group FOUR babies were born in less than TWO months?! And God-willingly more are on the way! They have cared for us and our son in so many simple and practical ways, and we pretty much see one of those couples outside of group every week.  

Through that group, my husband was connected to a great job here in the cities and there he met a really kindred spirit brother in Christ who has pretty much become a part of our family as a brother to us and an "uncle" to our son.  And he encouraged us to join a *second* small group that he was starting.  We thought "well...how can more friends and more time in the Word be a bad thing? What the heck, why not?!" 

So last year we joined what we call our "Family Group" that is this totally randomly thrown together group of students, singles, married, athletes, teachers, business professionals etc. that God has brought together in beautiful harmony.  And I think we all would agree, we just belong together! In this time, in this place, this season of fellowship with them is just amazing.  We make dinners for each other, we help each other get jobs, we drive each other to the airport, we paint each other's houses, etc. etc. (and they babysit!!) And most importantly we pray together and we do life together and it is awesome.  

And then through THESE people, we met our nanny, who is so ridiculously thoughtful, caring, humble, sweet and Christ-like that it would take me way too long to write but just trust me on this.  And she and her husband and her daughter have loved and cared for my son during the days as though he were part of their family and it fills my heart to no end.  I actually love leaving him with her because there are so many ways that they model Jesus to him in different ways than I do and it makes me so happy he can experience this example.  

And I'm writing all this because today, on this unassuming Sunday morning, we had a simple service to dedicate our son to God. We stood before the congregation and pledged a few vows which I will share below. We promised to do our best to show Christ to our son and then the people in the church affirmed that they would do the same.  Sadly because our family is out of state, they were not able to be at this service.  So we had sent out an email to all of these friends to see if they wanted to come for this, which was at 9am when usually they all go to church at 11am or else in the evening.  And you just would not believe how many of them went out of their way to be there for us this morning.  One girl came just for the dedication and then was going to church AGAIN tonight for the evening service.  And 9am on a February Minnesota morning is not very warm, not very convenient. But they were there. And they helped take photos, and helped with the baby, and then came over after for lunch and helped make lunch and entertained the baby and it seriously felt like a Sunday afternoon with family.

So unto Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, unto Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus unto all generations for ever and ever.

We have been so...very...blessed.  Our son is so loved, WE are so loved, and it is truly a miracle in our life. God has been so good and to all of these people, know how much we love you and thank God for you. Thank you for coming alongside of us in life and in raising our child.  And to Luke...


“Together with your parents who love you dearly, and this people who care about the outcome of your faith, I dedicate you to God, surrendering together with them all worldly claim upon your life in the hope that you will belong wholly to Jesus Christ, forever.”

A New Perspective on Christmas

So this is our first Christmas with a baby....a baby boy...our only son.  

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

Wow.

 God *gave* His ONLY son.  He wasn't taken or manipulated, He gave him.  And it was His ONLY son.  Not that one child would have more significance than another, but there were no other children. Just Jesus.  And God gave Him up; sent Him away from the riches of Heaven to the poverty of this world.  He sent Him to die.  

In a small small shadow of a way to relate, somewhat like me sending my son away from the beautiful life we have here in America to live in a third world village somewhere, knowing he would die of hunger or AIDS or some other horrible disease.  But knowing that in doing so, his life would save everyone else's.  He would be a hero. But I would be alone.  I would lose my son.  But surely his one life would be worth the sacrifice to save the world, right? But it's my son, my heart outside my body.  Could I love *other people* enough to allow my son to be their hero?  

And yet God's son wasn't a hero, He was a servant. And He was hated and mocked and ignored.  And He continued to love and serve and die anyway.  

God's sacrifice for us, for me, sent in love.  He gave His only Son.  My sweet, beautiful, smiling boy...so innocent and pure and precious. So very loved and adored.  

God gave His beautiful, smiling, innocent boy to us.  On a quiet night in a lowly manger.  No crowds, no friends, no trumpets, not even a midwife to help. But there He was...God's son, God's love, in the flesh, for us. 

What a heavy, beautiful truth in John 3:16.  Thank you Lord for Your Gift. My gratitude and love has fallen short of the magnitude of your sacrifice.  It is truly an indescribable gift. 

What a new perspective of Christmas for me, that my husband and I will celebrate with our sweet son.  Thank you Lord for this indescribable gift as well.  

Merry Christmas...tidings of comfort and joy that God is With Us. If we believe, we will never die. Not believe in Santa, not believe in the "Christmas Spirit"...but believe in Christ. The baby. The king. God's love poured out for us.  May you believe with all your heart this Christmas and always.    

Something Very Magical

I have been reading to the little one since day one. Mostly Psalms and Proverbs in the beginning but in the last couple months we've been reading all kinds of books. Most of them are way above his level but we read them together anyway.  When people asked during pregnancy what to buy for baby, books was always a good answer. I even had them on my registry. I received some questions of why I wanted books that he would not read for possibly 5 or 10 years and my answer was that I wanted to read them TO him, and it makes no difference to me if it's Dr. Seuss or Hardy Boys or the King James Version of the Bible. I just want to read to him.  And the more I thought about it, the more books I have come up with that I want to buy him and the list keeps growing and I get SO excited.  To read Frog and Toad (a childhood favorite) and the Monster at the End of This Book and If You Give a Mouse a Cookie...man...SO FUN! I can't wait for him to enjoy these like I did and have and DO still enjoy them.  And think of all the books he'll get to read as he gets older-Charlotte's Web and Choose Your Own Adventure books and all those fun pre-teen level books? And then one day he'll get to start reading *novels*...oh man. How awesome to read the Count of Monte Cristo for the first time. Or the Hunger Games trilogy or Catcher In the Rye...or a million other books! 

It occurred to me that I do not remember books well.  I have read a lot of books, and most of them I cannot tell you anything about (crazy and kind of scary LOL) but I remember how they made me feel.  I think so very fondly (or NOT fondly hahaha) about books and really about reading in general and that is what makes me love it so much and want to share it with my child.  There is just nothing like the feeling of being wrapped up in a good book.  Staying up way past bedtime and getting lost in another world...hours and hours gone in a blink as you just hunger for the rest of the story...man this is making me want to go read a good book!

Baby is just now starting to interact with our books-touch them, really look at them and pay attention. It makes me so happy!! I hope that he will love reading as much as his dad and I do. God gives us such a gift to have language, and the ability to record that language and use that language for such wonderful experiences. A good book can be a journey, a friend, a mirror, a vision and so much more.   

To read more about giving the love of books to your children, I highly recommend "Honey for a Child's Heart".  Now go find a good book for yourself!! We have quickly come to love "The Very Hungry Caterpillar"  at our house...:) What are some of your favorites??

How Painful Are Labor Pains?

So we had a baby a couple months ago (thus the shortage of blog posts lately) and while preparing for labor I asked God to give me a word of encouragement that I could meditate/focus on during the delivery process.  I expected a standard "I can do all things through Christ" verse or a great quote about strength or peace etc. But what He gave me was Romans 8. And I prayed about it a lot and it was very clear: memorize and think on Romans 8:18-25.  So these are those verses:

18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. 19 For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope; 21 because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now. 23 Not only that, but we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body. 24 For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.

Now I will spare you the long drawn out birth story, but I was in non-medicated labor for 30 hours. And believe it or not, there were actually a couple times where I was lucid enough to call these verses to mind and in those moments God gave me such insight into these truths which I thought I would share.


So think that God tells us "all of creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now". Flowers that fade and mountains that crumble... parched deserts and weary lands... animals that starve and humans that hurt. Creation feels PAIN, the kind of pain as a woman giving birth. That is how much we need and are longing for Christ.

Being in labor is extremely painful, yes. There came a point where contractions were every five minutes and we were 24 hours into it and I seriously wanted to give up. It was too much pain for too long and it hadn't produced any results: still not dilated, still no baby.  However, call me crazy,I would say I have had migraines that have been worse pain and this is why: Labor pains never made me cry. It never created pain that brought me to tears because I KNEW it had a purpose.  It wasn't just a straight miserable pain like a migraine or what I imagine breaking a leg would be, but it was working towards *something* (an adorable baby!) Unlike when I have had really bad migraines, migraines HAVE brought me to tears, because they seem purposeless and I feel beyond miserable, seriously have thought I might die, wretchedly unhappy and pretty much hopeless. [Note: I now know the best medicine to take and when to take it so migraines are not this severe for me anymore in case you were worried about me ;-) ] So what does this teach me about God?

 Well, I think it has application when we think of cancer and hurricanes and genocide-these are horrible and painful and it is helpful to think they are serving a purpose. These are labor pains needed to produce a New Heaven and New Earth.  But one step further-think about it in context of good things! All this time where we live here on earth in our happy little lives thinking what a great job or house or family or hobby we have-this is birth pangs too. All the breathtaking sunsets and beautiful snowfalls-this is groaning! Isn't that crazy to think?  Because really, if you dig deep into these things, aren't they all broken on some level? A great job has it's crappy days, a beautiful house deteriorates, a family has strife, a sunset fades and the glistening snow melts. They are evidences of aching...teaching us to hope for what we do not see.

  And at the end of the day what is so great about this analogy is that it's saying life is not a purposeless pain but rather purposeFUL. We are not being tormented and suffering needlessly, but our suffering is producing perseverance and hope (Romans 5) and at the end, like the reward of a newborn baby produced from labor, our reward will be adoption into God's family and the redemption of our body. 

I've just never thought about life on earth as the equivalent of groaning and birth pangs. I tend to see the bright side of things and I get caught up in the idolatry of loving my life on earth sometimes.  And now that I've experienced birth pangs, it's kind of amazing to contemplate.  I know that not everyone will experience childbirth in their lives so I wanted to try to put this in words to hopefully share an insight that helps you see something new and cool about God's amazing plan.  

And here's a gratuitous baby picture to remind you of God's purposes :)

Lessons From A Coldplay Concert

Believe it or not, the night before I went into labor Husband and I were at the Coldplay Mylo Xyloto concert. (He took me on the condition that I would not give birth to our child at the show and thankfully I held up my end of the bargain. barely! haha) 

First of all, it was SOOO awesome.  It has been awhile since I've been to a concert and the technology and visual effects were incredible.  I know it is not a great photo but below is a picture from our phone. Kind of an "HTBT" thing (Had To Be There) but hope you get the idea.  

But I am blogging about it because of what the lead singer said when he started the show.  He walked out on stage and greeted everyone and said something along the lines of

 "Not only is this the last night of our US tour, but we have now performed 776 shows as a band and tonight is our 777th show and we think that's pretty special.  So we just want you to know that we intend to play the best gig of our lives tonight.  We know you could be a lot of places tonight and we just thank you so much for choosing to spend your evening with us."

So polite right? The humility and gratitude was very genuine, or at least came across as so, and I was just floored.  But what really stuck with me was 777 shows. They have played 777 performances, and when you add in how many times they practice their songs you are talking in the thousands of times they have sung the same songs over and over and over.  And they are standing before us with the earnest intention ( maybe I'm naive but I really believed ) of making this their best performance. Or if nothing else at least giving it their best energy, best effort. 

Now I have no idea of the religious background of any of these guys but this work ethic came across as so Christ-like to me.  If Jesus was a musician, I think He would say something like this, and mean it, every time He performed.  I was so convicted of things in my own life that I do day in and day out, roles that I perform-being an employee, being a wife, being a friend, 777 days and then some. If my Husband asks me to make him breakfast for the 777th time, am I still grateful and joyful to do it? Because I was the first time, and I was the 50th time, but somewhere along the line it got repetitive.  But so what? Does that make it any less special or less important?  777 times. Sounds a lot like how much we're called to forgive too. (Seventy times seven...aka over and over and over.)

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as if working for the Lord and not for men.-Colossians 3:23. Whether it's cooking or cutting hair or changing a diaper or performing a concert-are you doing it with gratitude? Are you giving it your best? Is your heart still in it the 777th time?

Thank you Coldplay for an incredible show and an amazing attitude! 

Life and Death

In the quiet dark of an early Tuesday morning a loud cry bursts forth and welcomes new life...our  first son. He has a full head of dark hair and deep gray eyes alert to all the world and he is beautiful.  My eyes tear up as I write this in gratitude for this gift.

The next day, in the quiet dark of an early Wednesday morning, a gentle breath exhales and takes away life...our grandmother.  She has a thinned head of once dark hair and dim eyes fading away to the world and she is beautiful too-for all that she is and has been. My eyes tear up as I write this in gratitude for this gift as well.  

The trite words "circle of life" come to mind...trite but true.  One of the last things she was told before she died was that she had a great grandson. I am so glad.  I did not get to say goodbye as I would have liked but I hope this news was a measure of joy and peace to her in her last moments.  

She was born of Italian immigrants and represents the heritage in me that loves big family get togethers, talking excitedly with my hands and of course good food.  I hope our son will have this "italian" in him too. I never lived under her roof or worked with her or knew much about her daily life because she was just my gramma. My memories and moments with her are mostly from younger days-baking bread, getting our hair done and of course ballroom dancing. Though towards the end she was so tired and weary of life, I will remember her as full of life-a great smile, a happy countenance, quick on her feet in white dancing shoes as she waltzed gracefully around the room in her seafoam green dress and pearls around her neck.  She was married for over 30 years, she raised eight amazing strong children, and she lives on in her 14 grandchildren and now two great-grandchildren.  

Gramma and Grandpa and their eight kids, bottom left. She is also the bride in the small picture in the middle.

It is hard to have a moment of sadness mingled with such a moment of joy in my life...and yet there is a quiet peace about it.  This is life and death as God intended.  Ecclesiastes says the day of one's death is better than the day of one's birth, the end of a thing better than the beginning. Why? I cannot say it more beautifully than Matthew Henry does:

That, all things considered, our going out of the world is a great kindness to us than our coming into the world was: The day of death is preferable to the birth-day; though, as to others, there was joy when a child was born into the world, and where there is death there is lamentation, yet, as to ourselves, if we have lived so as to merit a good name, the day of death, which will put a period to our cares, and toils, and sorrows, and remove us to rest, and joy, and eternal satisfaction, is better than the day of our birth, which ushered us into a world of so much sin and trouble, vanity and vexation.  We were born to uncertainty, but a good man does not die at uncertainty.  The day of our birth clogged our souls with the burden of the flesh, but the day of our death will set them at liberty from that burden.

Gramma leaves behind a good name and enters into eternal holy joy-hopefully full of ballroom dances in the arms of her beloved Father.  Luke is born into a good name but enters into a world of unknown. Hopefully, we pray, he is soon called into the arms of his beloved Father and knows a life on earth of certain grace, that one day a long time from now he can look back on a good life like Gramma could.

Goodbye Gramma. We will miss you and know you are so loved.  Hello Luke. Welcome, and know you are so loved.  

"MTV Cribs": Baby Mathews Edition

I hope I'm not aging myself with my blog post title...do you know what MTV Cribs is? Hopefully you do. I couldn't pass up the play on words ;-) So this is a tour of our nursery including information about where we bought a lot of items or how I made them and some lessons learned in the process.  Enjoy!


Theme/Inspiration: When we found out we were having a boy I spent hours looking through bedding sets and was pretty sold on this one which I think has a great classic modern look to it.  I showed it to Husband and he said "It looks like it's for you, not for baby."  Shoot. Ok so while I was disappointed at first, I took his words to heart and felt like he was right.  He suggested something more fun and playful, perhaps leaning towards animals, and so eventually I found the one you see here, Sunny Safari by Carter's, and my sophisticated mature self was able to acquiesce that it was very cute and Husband loved it and so we had a winner. Turns out the animals have been SO fun to work with and I highly recommend having a 'theme' versus just a 'color scheme' as it makes everything easier.
Lesson Learned: It really is a blessing to have a husband (or wife, or best friend, etc.) who sees the world differently to offer a different perspective!

Color: Along the same lines as the above paragraph, I was leaning towards a light pale yellow and Husband again encouraged me to think "Fun" more than think "Mature" and thus the result is Sherwin Williams 6674 Jonquil. (I do work at Sherwin Williams btw so am rather biased towards their colors!) I was pretty nervous about it because it was such a strong color, so I had my samples up for over a week, in all different kinds of lighting, etc. and finally I felt that it would be ok. Turns out I am very happy with it-the first time we've ever had a yellow wall and it really is cheerful and lovely to walk into.
Lesson Learned; This is a freebie lesson because I work at a paint store: ALWAYS get a sample, ALWAYS look at it in different lights on different days. I've worked with color for seven years and I STILL get samples for my own home. Even if it just affirms your decision, it can never be a bad thing just to make sure.


Space: We live in a 2 bedroom 1 bath duplex and when we found out we were pregnant we thought we would need a bigger space to be able to have our room, a nursery, an office and a guest bed.  We spent a LONG time looking at other living options and couldn't find anything that fit our requirements so we decided to stay where we are and we just said "we'll make it work." I didn't have the highest hopes but seriously, some furniture rearranging and creative thinking and we have PLENTY of space.
Lesson Learned: You can always make it work. Sometimes expectations may need to be adjusted but God always provides exactly what we need.

Crib/Dresser: I was REALLY close to ordering a set online, when I happened to be walking through BabiesRUs and saw this crib set on sale.  It never even occurred to me to look at their furniture because the one or two I had glanced at were very expensive.  But it is BEAUTIFUL wood, very sturdy and the sale price was better than expected.  Setting up did however take a lot of help and I will tell you it took Karl the Canadian to carry it in the house, Uncle Josh to assemble the crib (AND help us move furniture AND paint) and Just Wes to assemble the dresser (he came after work in his dress clothes btw).
Lesson Learned: It took a village to help set up a nursery, I can only imagine how many people it will take to raise a child! We don't have family here and it is amazing the family of brothers and sisters God has provided with such loving servant's hearts. As hard as it was to ask for help (I felt really bad for all the manual labor favors) we were so blessed in the process and hopefully we can return the favor one day. And actually it made things fun to have friends involved...so it really does never hurt to ask!

Framed Artwork: Turns out the Carter's set had coordinating stickers I could order of the animals and this was SO great.  I am a scrapbooker and so I loved being able to make my own artwork to hang over the crib.  It was VERY easy and VERY fun for about $20.  Then it came time to frame them and I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. 12x12 frames are very limited color and style selection, prices tend to be rather spendy, and I was super frustrated.  I spent maybe an hour and a half making the artwork? and probably almost 6 hours figuring out the frames (for real.) I went to multiple stores, spent a ton of time online, bought some frames and tried spray painting (which did not work), came really close to buying custom paint color at Sherwin, and was moments away from spending like $75 to buy some frames online when I realized that was ridiculous. So on the verge of tears I stopped and said "this is stupid." and I went to Michael's and bought the cheapest easiest 12x12 frames I could find (it cost me about $10 for all three of these after my coupon) and guess what? I love them. Figures.
Lesson Learned: Know your limits. Be smart enough to step back when you are getting frustrated and ask yourself what is really bothering you and what is really important.  And know that 12x12 artwork limits your framing options!


Rug: This is actually a carpet remnant! We got a smokin' deal on it and it is very soft and plush.  It's not necessarily the ideal color I had in mind but the other factors outweighed the color issue and really the brown looks fine.
Lesson Learned: Definitely check local carpet distributors for remnants next time you need a rug. No great profound wisdom here, just a good tip ;-)

Chair: After much debate on rocker vs recliner vs glider I found this beauty on Craigslist (brand new with tags!) for a great price.  It is actually a "rocker recliner" and it is *amazing*.  It's made by Lane and I highly commend it to you.
Lesson Learned: I did not think we could afford to buy my ideal chair and God provided it at half price. Amazing how He cares for us, even in the little details of life like a rocking chair.  He is truly able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we think or ask.

Prayer Books: I have started praying for our son and these books are SO helpful.  I have been struggling to know what to pray about as I haven't technically met him yet, so my prayers have been pretty general of praying for his health and God's hand on his life etc. but it is so great to be specific and to have scriptures to refer to. And it's a nice reason to sit in our comfy recliner and put my feet up for a few minutes :)
Lesson Learned: I think being "good" at prayer is a learned art and discipline. There are so many great resources available to us in our modern day I would encourage you to take advantage of.  And know it is never too early or too late to start praying for someone. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. -James 5:16

Mobile: Our bedding set does offer a mobile but it is $50 and I thought this was way too much for something I wasn't completely sold on having anyway. So with some inspiration from my great friend and new mommy Dr. Benjamin who had made her own mobile, I went to Michael's and bought craft sticks and little wooden animals and made this for $3. It's not exactly a piece of art but it works. It kind of reminded me of doing a science project and the balancing stuff was a little tricky but totally worth the money saved.
Lesson Learned: I am a recovering perfectionist and this mobile is definitely not perfect LOL.  But you know what? It accomplishes it's purpose and it was only $3 so I checked it off my list as "good" and "done". This was better than being "perfect".

Wall Art: I was pretty set on buying this wall decal and super excited about it, but when I went to order it realized that different sizes were different prices and what I wanted was going to cost like $175. Holy cow! So I started brain storming how I could make it myself, and I came across this awesome blog about ironing on wall art and ta da! A vision was born. This project cost me about $10 in fabric from Jo-Ann's and was actually easier than I expected (always a pleasant surprise).  
Lesson Learned: "Nothing is better for a man than that he should eat and drink, and that his soul should enjoy good in his labor. This also, I saw was from the hand of God." -Eccl. 2:24 
My soul very much enjoyed this labor...it was cool to force myself to think outside the box and plan everything from start to finish-the fabric, the layout, the font etc. and have such a nice finished product.  

Changing Table Basket: So I've been obsessed over what is supposed to be in the basket on the changing table.  I looked at a million baskets, not sure what would be the best height, size, color etc. And then I talked to some friends and read a ton of blogs on what exactly goes in this basket. (I'm not sure why this was such a big deal but I just wanted to have a bunch of good stuff in here!)  So if you're a first time mom and you're wondering this too...this is what I came up with as a result of my research:


Lotion, Cotton Balls, Qtips, Nail Clippers, Pacifier, a Toy, Mustela cleanser, Desitin, Wipes


Everything else I put in the top drawer of the dresser: diapers, thermometer, nasal aspirator, brush and comb, changing pad covers etc. I may end up moving some of this stuff around as I figure out what I use more often, but this is the starting line up.  Any other suggestions or advice? 
Lesson Learned: I understand why moms talk so much about mom issues. I do not have all the answers and in fact I feel I have very few answers when it comes to all this baby stuff! SO helpful to have advice from other moms. Not that I have to adhere to it, but great to have and then pick and choose what works.  And what on earth did our parents do without other parent's blogs on the internet??

Laundry Hamper: I was SOOO excited to find this little guy at Target.  It's not part of the Carter's set but I think it totally works and it's one of my favorite items in the nursery.  I was worried it would be too small, but my best friend is a professional mom (three going on four kids) and she said it's actually the perfect size for baby clothes so that the laundry doesn't overwhelm you.  This makes a lot of sense as I could see how one could probably fit close to 50 or 60 onesies in an adult laundry hamper (and trust me, we would put it off until it was full!) and who on earth would want to fold 57 onesies in an afternoon?
Lesson (in process of being) Learned: Go do laundry. Keep doing laundry. Then do more laundry. *sigh*

Scripture Artwork: My last arts and crafts project of the nursery.  Turns out painting is VERY tedious when you are trying to paint a million stripes and create a "handwritten font" look with a paintbrush.  I can't take credit for the design though. Found this great inspiration from Sweet Pea and Pumpkin blog and just used my own colors and Bible verse.  If you are interested in attempting this, I recommend NOT getting the "professional canvas" as it is very textured and makes painting stripes and letters VERY difficult.  Look for a smooth canvas texture. I DO recommend getting a very good fine tip professional paint brush.  This took me a *really* long time to paint fyi. Poor Husband was neglected for a good 10-12 hours I would say. BUT, I'm very happy with the results and hopefully it's something we'll have in our house, one place or another, for many years to come.  I narrowed down about a dozen favorite Bible verses and then read them to Husband and asked which one he wanted to be "the verse" for baby and when we came to this one he said "That's it!". And so it is.
Lesson Learned: We both actually remember plaques/artwork that hung in our rooms growing up with little sayings on them-which I think is pretty amazing.  Our pastor has spoken of a plaque that hung in his house growing up and how the words still resonate with him today.  We really do take in the pictures and words that are around us everyday. Scary when you think about the power of advertising but encouraging when you think about the power of Scripture. God's word does not return void and we pray that these truths will resonate with our son for a lifetime. Just for myself, seeing this every time I am in the nursery has already begun to implant these truths in my heart more than ever before. Such beautiful promises...

So that's our nursery! We started with the idea that we may not have space to have a nursery at all and to see how God has brought everything together and given us so many amazing little details has been awesome. He truly has given us Grace and Glory and we are so humbled to think that soon He is giving us Luke. For those of you looking for information or ideas, hope that you found this helpful.  For friends and family looking for the little details, I hope you feel like you are here with us! As always, thanks for reading :)